journaling

an online journal is an odd thing. i knew that going in. but still...

i talk to myself. (mostly not in my outloud voice, but i do find myself talking out loud from time to time. ) i have always entertained myself, ever since i can remember, by making up stories in my head. i have conversations in my head, too. sometimes with myself. sometimes with other people. (not like imaginary people, or voices in my head. but like people i know - i sound much cooler when i also get to pick what you'll say, and when i get as many tries as i need to say things just how i want). i used to drive a lot, and i did my best talking and storytelling in my car. alone. now, i mostly talk to myself while i'm walking around the city, on the subway, and in the shower. i do worry that i'll start talking out loud on the subway or while walking down the street. even though i know i shouldn't care whether strangers see me talking to myself, i'll find myself listening to my ipod with much more focus, worried that i may have just overshared on the 6 train witout realizing it. what did i just say, and who heard me?

i find that lately, i have been writing journal entries in my head. as i go through my day, i start commenting on it to a generic third person. but by the time i get home, i've forgotten most of the stories i've told myself throughout the day. i remember bits and pieces, fragments, but the bulk of the story is gone.

i don't know that i would actually want to post most of these phantom journal entries, anyway. too revealing, or too boring, or both.